Why Does She Love Me?
by ke7ejx
Summary: 2:08-Christmas Episode from Mr. Bates point of view. What could he have been thinking on his wedding day and his trial and execution day? I credit this work to Carnival, Masterpiece and Mr. Fellowes. The original canon is a work of art and I have no desire to tarnish it. This is my first fan fiction and I hope that it pleases my fellow Bates/Anna fans. Thank you for reading.
1. Chapter 1

John Bates suddenly woke up. He couldn't remember the dream, just that it was dark and sinister. Running a hand through his damp hair, he turned on the lamp that sat on his bedside table. He reached for his pocket watch and saw that it was a little after four in the morning. Groaning he slowly eased himself in a sitting position as studied the window. He could see that the sky was on the verge of lighting. Then he slowly smiled as he realized what day it was. This was the day that Anna Smith would be his at long last. With that thought, he felt the urgent need to begin his day. He swung his legs off the bed and quickly rose to his feet. He swung his robe around his shoulders and slid his arms through the sleeves before knotting the belt. He grabbed his cane in one hand and his hygiene kit before making his way to the bathroom.

John looked about to see if anyone was in there. Occasionally Mr. Carson would get up as early as John, but usually just as John left the bathroom. Finding the room completely deserted, he filled the tub with scalding water. After disrobing he lowered himself into the tub and began scrubbing his legs. After he cleaned every speck of dirt from his body, he took care to do the same to his hair. He usually didn't fuss over appearance, but this was the crucial exception. If he couldn't give his Anna the perfect wedding with a man that she deserves, then he will make certain that he looked respectable for her. After draining the tub, he carefully stepped out of it and grabbed a towel. He quickly dried himself before putting on the robe. Tying the knot he pulled out his soap and razor. He tested the edge before lathering his face with soap. He took great care with the razor as to not nick his skin. He didn't want a single speck of blood on his face today. With a final scrape with the razor he inspected his face and to his satisfaction, it was perfectly shaved. As he stared at himself, he also noticed the many imperfections. His skin was weathered with age, wrinkles lined his mouth and eyes and his eyes held the haunted look that had gripped hold several years ago.

"Why does she love me?" He asked aloud. "I am an old man and certainly not much to look at. How can someone so beautiful and young love such a crippled old man?"

He pictured her standing before him and shaking a finger as she told him off for having such thoughts. That's his Anna. He couldn't help but smile at the thought. Aha! He noted the large grin and saw the wrinkles disappear. Perhaps it was his smile that made her love him, a smile that doesn't come out often but made him look at least ten years younger. He shook his head at his nonsense and toweled the left over soap from his jaw. He quickly brushed his teeth and packed his hygiene kit. When he reached the door he heard Mr. Carson's booming voice as he walked down the hall. John slipped through the door and nodded to Mr. Carson as he made his way to his room. After closing the door he put his things away and removed the robe. He pulled on his clean undershirt, shorts and socks. He frowned slightly when he opened his wardrobe and stared at his four suits. He pulled out his brown suit and the black one he wore on Sundays and special occasions.

"What would Anna want me to wear?" He asked himself. "She has never talked of my attire, though I wish we had. The black would look nice enough, but I would also have to wear it on Monday for Miss Swire's funeral, but it is still one of my best suits. I have the brown suit, but it's not nearly as fancy. The brown is still nice, but would Anna like it?"

He turned to grab his robe with the intention of sneaking over to the Maid's corridor to ask her, when he heard Mr. Carson banging on doors to wake up the footmen. Cursing inwardly, he threw the robe onto the chair and turned back to the suits. He grabbed both suits and walked over to the mirror. He held the black one to his frame and stared in horror as the black made him far more pale, sickly and ghastly. He swallowed hard before raising the brown suit. While he still looked pale, he looked younger and vibrant. He sighed in relief as his eyes crinkled with his smile. He hung the black back in the wardrobe before carefully laying his clothes on the bed. He pulled on his shirt, taking care to button it up properly. He then pulled on his trousers and attached the suspenders before shrugging them on. He returned to the mirror with his comb and combed through the tangles before spreading some grease to hold his hair in place. He quickly attached his collar and looked through his ties to find exactly the right one. He finally choose his favourite dark brown tie with the light brown designs. He wrapped it around his collar and carefully knotted it.

A memory stirred as he straightened his tie. He thought of the day he arrived at Downton. When a petite little golden Yorkshire faerie walked downstairs and into his life.

_"But now Mr. Crawley's dead and Mr. Patrick was his only son, so what happens next?" A deep female voice rang out from up the stairs. _

_ "It's a dreadful thing!" A lighter voice rang out in reply." _

_ Three women came down the stairs. Two young maids with red and gold hair wearing matching clothes. Also, an older woman in black with a horrible haircut. They looked at him with shock. _

_ "Hello." He greeted them."I've been waiting at the back door, I knocked but no one came."_

_ The older maid raised her brows in derision."So you pushed in?" _

_ "This is not going well." He thought before introducing himself. "I'm John Bates, the new valet." _

_ "The new valet?" She asked._

_ "That's right." He replied. _

_ He nearly groaned when the maid's critical eyes flickered down to the cane he rested upon. She looked at him again. "You're early." She offered. _

_ "Indeed." He thought before explaining. "Came on the milk train. Thought I'd use the day to get to know the place and start tonight." He worked to arrange his features to a friendly one to try and soften the maid. Based on the way she pursed her lips, it wasn't working. _

_ The young blonde maid took pity on him and gave him a friendly smile. "I'm Anna, the head housemaid." She shifted the bedding in her arms and offered her hand with an open warmth. _

_ He shyly took her hand and shook it gently."How do you do?" He looked at her in gratitude for her kindness. _

_ "And I'm Miss O'Brien, Her Ladyship's maid." The older maid informed him. This news didn't surprise him. Only a Lady's maid would be that rude and have that kind of self-commanding persona. _

_ He offered her his hand only to have her ignore it. He dropped his hand and tried to not take her rudeness personally. _

_ "You better come with us." She continued before turning on her heel and sweeping out of the __corridor. _

_ He picked up his valise and slowly straightened up. The blonde maid, what was her name? Oh, Anna offered him another warm smile which caused his lips to turn up involuntarily as she led him out of the corridor. _

He chuckled at the memory. Miss O'Brien certainly proved to be a nasty piece of work. Anna proved to be a loyal friend, and the kindest he had ever had. He sobered at the memory of when the Duke came for a visit and John lost his job because of O'Brien tripping him up. That horrible night, after His Lordship sacked him despite John's pleas. He had skipped dinner so that no one would bear witness to his shame and humiliation. He had started throwing things into his valise, not particularly caring in what way they landed. The events of the day suddenly crashed over him like an icy wave, sending him onto the mattress. Hot tears filled his eyes and began leaving trails down his weathered face. It had only been six months, six months that he had strivened to prove to Mr. Carson, Lord Grantham, and embarrassingly, Anna that he could do his job efficiently. A half year that turned to ashes because Thomas and Miss O'Brien for some ungodly reason decided to despise him. Realizing that his life was over, he sobbed uncontrollably.

_"Mr. Bates?" Anna's voice startled him. "Are you there?" _

_ "Oh Lord. How loud was I crying?" He wondered as he quickly wiped his eyes and came to the door. He knew his eyes were swollen red and would betray him but to hell with it. He opened the door to see Anna with a tray of food in her hands. _

_ "I brought something up. In case you were hungry." She looked at him hopefully. _

_ John was tempted to smile, but couldn't find the strength. "That's very kind." He offered as he gently took the tray and sat it on the table. _

_ Anna took a breath. "I'm ever so sorry that you're going." She told him, her usually bright blue eyes almost grey in sorrow. _

_ John's heart broke slightly at the pain they both shared. He felt the queer need to comfort her. "I'll be all right." He offered her halfheartedly. _

_ She smiled gently. "Of course you will. There's always a place for a man like you." _

_ "A man like me." He almost scoffed at the optimism. Certainly, she knew his life was over. But, he wasn't about to mar their last encounter with such words. His lips lifted slightly, even as the corners trembled. "Oh yes. Something will turn up." _

_ He was tormented at the tears that filled her eyes as they realized the time of parting was near. Her smile wavered, but she gave him a warm smile he came to enjoy. "Tell us when you're fixed." She requested. "Just...drop us a line...else I'll worry." She gave a short laugh. _

_ This time, he did manage to give her a warm smile, even though it was time to say goodbye. He couldn't promise her that. If he had to go back to his old life, he never wanted to taint her with the knowledge of that cold, dark and hopeless existence he was damned to. "Well, we can't have that." He spoke softly. It was the best he could do. _

_ She gave him one last smile as he closed the door. He leaned against the door as he heard her footsteps. Then he heard her sob which tore through him. He felt tears streaming again as he grabbed the tray and laid it on his bed. He wasn't hungry, but if this was the last act of kindness he received from another being, then he would damn well eat it. Anna had thoughtfully brought up a dish with a thick beef stew, mashed potatoes, vegetables and bread with fresh butter. He ate the food gratefully and savored the taste of it. After he ate it, he noticed a dish that was still covered. Frowning, he opened the dish and raised his eyebrows in shock. Anna had brought up some of the pudding that the family had for dessert. Her kindness knew no bounds. He ate the pudding and enjoyed the sweet confection of Mrs. Patmore's masterpiece. He carefully placed the tray on the table and returned to his packing, wishing that the morning would come sooner. _

_ The next morning shocked him greatly. Robert, the fifth Earl of Grantham actually ran down the car, grabbed John's valise and ordered him back. Hardly, believing his luck, there was only one person he wanted to see. _

_ He found Anna sitting in the courtyard with her face buried in a handkerchief. _

_ "Was she really crying for me?" He wondered as he sat next to her. _

_ Sensing a presence her face shot up from the handkerchief and gasped at the sight of John sitting next to her with a kind smile on his face. "Mr. Bates? What on earth are you doing here?" _

_ "Apparently, His Lordship changed his mind" He chuckled in disbelief. _

_ "So...you're staying, then?" Her red rimmed eyes bore into his with a flicker of hope._

_ "I'm staying." He replied as she bore a radiant smile. _

_ "I'm so glad, Mr. Bates." Anna dabbed her eyes. _

_ "I-I need to thank you for yesterday. You were very kind after I fell, despite me brushing you off. For which I do apologize. I was just embarrassed, but I shouldn't have been so curt." _

_ "Not at all." She replied. "Had I been in your shoes, I would have acted badly. Mind you, I had a good mind to use your cane to beat Miss O'Brien." _

_ He chuckled at that. "You were very kind in bringing me the tray last night. Many would have left me to my own ends. The pudding was especially delicious." _

_ "I'm pleased that you liked it. I managed to sneak it in when Mrs. Patmore was in the Servant's Hall." She grinned mischievously. _

_ He laughed. Anna was definitely another creature entirely. _

_ "Come on." She stood up. "Let us go and shock those two wicked plotters with the proof of their failure." _

_ He grinned as he leaned on his cane and followed her into the house._

_ And shock them they did. Few things proved more satisfactory than the shock and rage that was so clearly painted on both of their faces. Anna and John shared a look as their lips twisted in a small smile as they sat to breakfast. _

John softly laughed as he buttoned his vest and clipped his pocket watch to it. He sat on the bed and pulled on his boots after making sure that they were properly polished. He groaned while pulling himself to his feet. Last, but certainly not least, he shrugged on his jacket. As he buttoned it and looked in the mirror, he realized something he was surprised to not have noticed earlier. He was wearing the same suit he wore the day he and Anna met. Another smile spread across his face as he considered the appropriateness of his attire. This was the perfect outfit for his wedding day.

Deciding he was ready, he grabbed his cane and headed towards the door. He stepped out into the corridor and realized that everyone else was in the process of going down. He rushed down the stairs until he caught up with the other servants. He walked in and poured himself a cup of tea when Anna walked in wearing her morning uniform. Their eyes locked and they smiled with their eyes. It would not have been proper to smile openly while the rest of the house was in mourning. John wanted to grit his teeth at the unfairness that they could not show their joy when it was finally their wedding day. But it was even more unfair that a young woman died of such a savage illness. Had it been Anna... his eyes darted to her as panick of the imagined agony filled him. She sat next to him and brushed her hand against his as she poured herself some tea.

"Good morning, Mr. Bates." She murmured as Daisy came in with the porridge.

"Anna." He replied as he sipped the bitter brew.

Breakfast was a very melancholy affair. Few spoke and Mr. Carson gave a stern stare to anyone who spoke above a whisper. Anna squeezed his hand quickly before rushing to do her morning duties. He followed suit and pulled out mourning clothes that Lord Grantham was to wear. He woke his lordship and handed him a cup of tea to alert him. Thankfully, he wasn't in the mood for conversation, making the process of dressing him quick and easy. Once he was down to breakfast, John was able to go through his tasks until it was time to get ready for the trip to Ripon. He had spoken to Mr. Carson the other day under the guise of going on an errand for the Earl. As this was nothing uncommon, Mr. Carson thankfully didn't find anything amiss with the request.

John made his way to his room and finished the final preparations. He grabbed his toothbrush and went to the bathroom to brush his teeth. Once he was satisfied, he rinsed his mouth and studied his reflection for a time.

"Well, I may not be a looker, but apparently, I've been doing something right if Anna wants to marry me." He mused even though he was depressed by how old he looked. For a fifty year old man about to marry someone in her early thirties, he looked rather pitiful.

When he returned to his room, he grabbed the ₤5 needed for the special license. He then pulled out the top drawer in his night table and removed a small box. He had managed to sneak off to a jeweler's a couple of days previous and picked up a simple wedding band in hopes that Anna would like it. Alas, he couldn't afford a diamond like he desperately wanted to give. He checked his pocket watch and saw that if he was to make the last bus to Ripon before Anna was due, he needed to leave quickly. Putting the ring and money in his jacket pocket, he pulled on his over coat and bowler hat. On his way out of the back door he pulled on his gloves. He made it to the bus with only minutes to spare.


	2. Chapter 2

He was thankful for the twenty minute bus commute to Ripon as it gave him a chance to rest his leg. He wondered idly what Anna was doing to prepare for their union. He pictured her in an elegant white dress, long veil and her hair in a sophisticated style that the ladies of the house wore. He could feel himself sweating from nerves as she walked down the aisle on the arm of a dignified Mr. Carson. He then felt regret that he couldn't give her a proper church wedding like she deserved. Instead they were marrying in the registrar's office in secret as if they were ashamed of themselves. Where was the romance?

_"I'd rather have the right man than the right wedding." _Anna had once told him.

That comforted him somewhat as he stared out the window. Mother Nature must have known it was his wedding day as the day was beautiful. It was an oddly warm and bright March day. Smiling he admired the trees and other such natural beauties. When the bus finally reached Ripon, it was nearly noon and they had to be in the registrar at two o'clock. He strolled around to look in different shops. After checking out a couple of shops, he found a small bookstore. Seeing that he had plenty of time, he decided to take a look at what the store had to offer. He scanned the books trying to find a book that would properly convey his feelings for today. He perused and slid his fingers over the bindings until his fingers paused on a book of poetry by Elizabeth Barrett Browning. He curiously opened to a random page and smiled at the words he read in a murmur.

"_How do I love thee? Let me count the ways._

_I love thee to the depth and breadth and height_

_My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight_

_For the ends of Being and ideal Grace._

_I love thee to the level of everyday's_

_Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light._

_I love thee freely,as men strive for Right;_

_I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise._

_I love thee with a passion put to use_

_In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith._

_I love thee with a love I seemed to lose_

_With my lost saints,-I love thee with the breath, _

_Smiles, tears, of all my life!- and, if God choose, _

_I shall but love thee better after death."_

John closed the book and closed his eyes. He marveled how a woman long since dead was able to pen the words and feelings of his secret soul. Anna's face filled his mind and his heart warmed at the thought of her face beaming up at him in love and trust. Smiling he took out his pocket watch to discover that Anna's bus would be arriving in ten minutes. He nodded and put the watch back into his vest. He walked up to the front the counter and handed the young girl working the money for the book. Bidding the girl a good afternoon, he stepped out into the warm spring sun and made his way towards the Registrar. He made it to the front of the building as a few newly wedded couples came out, joy written over their faces. He turned his head as one couple kissed each other to give them privacy. While staring down the street, a feeling of dread cut through the happiness he was feeling.

"What are we doing?" He asked himself. "I know I want to marry her, just as I know she wants to marry me. But is it the right thing to do? I could be arrested any day for Vera's suicide, I could lose everything, especially Anna. Why does she love me? How can she when she knows what I am, who I once was?"

He began to pace in agitation as he puzzled at his inadequacies and why she loved him. He stopped short as he realized why. Because his past and the storm that may come does not matter. As this thought came to him, he turned to see a female figure walking down the road. He felt his heart stop as the figure came closer. Anna wearing her blue coat and carrying a bouquet of flowers. He sighed as a happy smile spread across his face. Her smile was brighter than the sun that lit her face.

He took her hand and placed it in the crook of his arm as they walked up the stairs to the building. As they went up, another blissful couple came out and kissed each other. Anna looked at them before beaming up at him. John grinned as he opened the door for her. They were shown a small room where they could hang their coats. He carefully helped her out of her coat and hanged it up for her. He shrugged out of his and hung it up with his hat before removing his gloves and stuffing them in a coat pocket. He discreetly reached into his pocket and pulled the ring out of the box before he snuck the box into another coat pocket. He turned to see Anna adjusting her attire and admired the white blouse and the beautiful midnight blue skirt that complemented her hat. If he had it his way, she would always wear that shade of blue, it made her look divine. He smiled gently and took her hands before giving a slight squeeze.

"Are you ready, Anna?" He asked softly.

"I have been ready for a long time, Mr. Bates." Anna's reply gave him the last assurance he needed.

Nodding, he lead the way down the corridor as he stepped over the threshold, he looked back at her with a tender smile as she followed him into the room. He nodded at the two people serving as witnesses as they approached the bench where the registrar stood. The registrar smiled as he indicated where they should stand.

"Welcome. Now, the process is very simple. I shall read the vows and you will repeat after me. Mr. Bates will recite them first and you will follow, Ms. Smith. Are you both ready?" He opened his book and looked at them expectantly. John nodded as Anna murmured her assent. They looked at each other with a final smile as John took her hand in his. The registrar smiled as he read the words.

"I, John Bates." He began.

"I, John Bates." John recited.

"Take thee, Anna May Smith." The registrar continued.

"Take thee, Anna May Smith." John repeated.

"To be my wedded wife." He supplied.

"To be my wedded wife." John smiled wider as he said the line.

The registrar indicated to Anna.

"I, Anna May Smith." He cued to her.

"I, Anna May Smith." Anna responded.

"Take thee, John Bates." He quoted.

"Take thee, John Bates." Anna's eyes never left his.

"To be my wedded husband." The registrar continued.

"To be my wedded husband." Anna followed.

"And now the ring." The registrar instructed John.

John withdrew the band from his pocket and gently placed it over her first knuckle.

"With this ring, I plight thee my troth." The registrar read.

"With this ring, I plight thee my troth." John slid his thumb over her hand.

"As a symbol of all we have promised." The registrar encouraged.

"As a symbol of all we have promised." John uttered.

"And all that we share." The registrar concluded.

"And all that we share." John finalized in triumph.

With the last vow read, John slid the band until it was nestled properly on Anna's finger. John's heart swelled as he realized that the moment he waited for had finally come.

"It therefore gives me great pleasure to say you are now husband and wife together." The voice of the registrar rang out in finality and satisfaction.

Anna laughed as her eyes shone with happiness and John chuckled with his own joy.

"I love you." John mouthed to her.

"And I love you." She responded in kind.

Needing no cue from the magistrate, he lowered his head as she lifted hers and they met halfway for their lips to press together for their first kiss as husband as wife. The two witnesses politely applauded as the couple finally parted and smiled.

"My many congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Bates." The registrar offered his hand to John. "I hope you both have a very happy life."

"Thank you, sir." John replied as he took his hand. Anna murmured her thanks as she shook his hand.

The registrar called up the man and woman who bore witness. John paid the fees before he and Anna filled out the paperwork and the marriage certificate which was signed both the registrar and the witnesses. After the documents were taken care of and John thanked the witnesses, the registrar walked them to the coat room with the promise that the necessary papers would be delivered within a couple of weeks. He again congratulated them before leaving them.

John and Anna grinned at each other before he helped her into her coat. Their eyes never leave each other as they put on their gloves. Once his bowler hat was in place he offered his arm to Anna. She took it and they left the building. They walked to the nearby park and when they stepped through a grove of trees he stopped them and stared at her in wonder.

"We did it." Anna breathed. "We're finally married."

"Yes." John laughed. "We are indeed."

He slipped his hand to her neck to cup her jaw. He kissed her softly and slowly. Her hand rested on his chest as the kiss deepened. After several moments, they pulled back with heavy breath.

"Anna." He gasped as he rested his forehead against hers. He caressed her cheek while they composed themselves.

"Mr. Bates?" Anna looked at him in confusion.

"Shall we find a place to sit for awhile? I know we must make a hasty return to Downton, but I cannot do so without having a moment for us to talk." He placed a hand on her back when she nodded and led her down a secluded path where they found a stone bench to sit on. He took her hand as they sat down. He covered her hand in both of his.

"Anna?" He hesitated.

"Yes?" She encouraged.

"How familiar are you with...well...the aspects of marriage?" He struggled to find the words.

"You mean what happens between a man and a women when they are married?" She supplied helpfully.

"Yes, precisely. Now that we are married, there are new things that are now allowable, and even encouraged." He squeezed her hand thoughtfully.

"I am...aware of my duties. I may not know the particulars, but my mother told me that all I need to do is allow my husband his pleasure." Anna stared ahead as she said it.

"Ahhh..." John rolled his eyes. Duties indeed. "It should be pleasurable for both of us, Anna."

"Mr. Bates..." Anna began.

"John, please." He smiled.

"John. I don't know how to do those things." She flushed in embarrassment.

He chuckled and kissed her hand. "It will be my job and pleasure to teach you."

"Will it hurt?" Her eyes had apprehension.

"It might, but it would only last a moment. I will make absolutely certain that you were as ready as possible." He smiled in reassurance.

She smiled weakly in reply and John wrapped his free arm around her. He rested his cheek against her head.

"I won't make you do anything you don't want to do, Anna. I can wait until you are ready." He whispered.

"I don't want to wait, John. I want to be your wife in every way and not just in name as I am now. More than anything, I want to please you." She shyly looked up at him.

John never considered himself an overly and openly emotional man. Nevertheless, he felt a knot at his adam's apple. "Why does she love me?" he again asked himself.

"You have always pleased me, and you still please me. You will be perfect when we come together. I swear it." He tilted her head up and kissed her softly. "Now, we must hurry, the next bus will be here in ten minutes time."

He helped her to her feet and quickly led her out of the park. They made their way through the village and made it to the bus stop with a couple of minutes to spare.

"It's strange." Anna remarked. "When we get on this bus, it'll be like this afternoon never happened."

"Yes, I'm afraid you'll have to remove your ring when we get to Downton. But it is only for a few days. Once the funeral is done and things calm down, we will be able to tell everyone our news and we will be able to be together properly." He gave her hand a final squeeze just as the bus came into view.

By some miracle, they were able to sit together near the back. John looked down to see that Anna had removed her glove and the little minx was slowly sliding his gloved down his hand. He reached down and pulled the article off so that her fingers could entwine with his. He smiled at his wife's resourcefulness. His wife. He pondered that, it was hard to believe that the thing he fought for for so long had finally happened. But he was here, she was here, and his smile widened as he saw the outline of the ring under Anna's glove. His thumb stroked her hand a they sat in comfortable silence. A mile out from Downton Village, they reluctantly withdrew their hands and quickly pulled on their glove. John helped her from the bus and they walked down the road to go back to the Abbey.

John had something on his mind but was at a loss on how to approach it.

"Anna...?" He asked hesitantly.

"Yes?" She replied and watched his face as they walked.

"We will have to wait to consummate our marriage, you know that, yes?" He flinched at her soft gasp.

"Yes, I know that." She blushed as she stared ahead. "Even if I wish we didn't have to."

It was John's turn to flush. He looked around before placing his hand on the back of her neck. "It will happen eventually, and when it does I will be the happiest man alive. I just don't want to put your or me in a position that could result in either of us losing our place."

He smiled at her as she wrapped her arms around his waist. He slipped his arm around her waist and kissed her head. When Downton came in view they stopped and turn to each other.

"Well, this is it, Mr. Bates." Anna grimaced as she slipped off her glove and looked at the wedding band that rested on her hand.

John took her hand and kissed it before he removed the ring. He slowly kissed each finger before taking the glove and enclosing her hand in the leather. He handed her the ring and smiled as she slipped in into her coat pocket. They quickly made their way to the back and into the courtyard. Anna exhaled sharply when John pulled in her in the middle of the heap of stacked crates.

"I love you, Anna Bates." He whispered as he took her face and cradled it in his hands.

"And I love you, John Bates." She murmured after she wrapped her arms around his waist.

He smiled and pressed his lips against hers and kissed her with all he had. Anna picked up on the mood and poured her feelings into her reciprocation. Gasping for air they pulled apart and straightened their clothing. He gave her a final smile before arranging his facial features into somber mourning. She followed suit and they walked through the back door.


	3. Chapter 3

"Anna! There you are!" A thick Scottish accent called out.

They turned to see Mrs. Hughes walking up to them.

"I was beginning to wonder when you were coming back. I need you to help the maids make the beds for the guests that are coming in the morning. Normally, I would do it, but Mr. Carson needs help with other things. Would you be willing?" She smiled as Anna nodded and walked towards the stairs. She smiled over her shoulder before turning the corner.

"Mr. Bates, Mr. Carson told me to tell you that His Lordship was looking for you." Mrs. Hughes drew his attention from his bride.

"Thank you, Mrs. Hughes." He smiled in acknowledgment. "I shall go to him at once."

He bowed his head slightly before going to the dressing room. He knocked softly before opening the door.

"I'm sorry to keep you waiting, m'lord. I just had to run into the village." John explained.

"It's all right, Bates. It wasn't anything urgent." Lord Grantham. "I wanted to know what you were intending on dressing me in Monday morning."

"For the funeral, you mean?" John asked. "I was intending to put you in your mourning suit and black cravat, unless Your Lordship would prefer something else?"

"No, no. It just been so long that I wonder if it would still fit." Lord Grantham slid his hand over the bulge of his stomach.

John smiled in reassurance. "I am certain it will fit. Tomorrow morning, we could do a fitting if you would like, m'lord?"

"Yes, thank you, Bates. That will be all." Lord Grantham returned to starting out the window with a somewhat dazed expression on his face.

John bowed and left the room. He sighed as some of his happiness left him. When he thought of the young lady that would be put in the cold ground in three days time, he couldn't help but think of how it could have been Anna. His hands gripped his cane as he thought of Anna being buried. He wouldn't be able to bear it. They would have to dig two graves for he would have followed her anywhere.

"Mr. Bates?" Mr. Carson's voice rang out. "Are you alright?"

John looked at the Butler's face that was filled with puzzlement and concern.

"I am well, thank you, Mr. Carson." John smiled.

"Yes, well...have you brought down His Lordship's funeral attire yet?" He asked with his eyebrows raised.

"Not yet, Mr. Carson. I am on my way up to the attics now." John straightened up and walked to the back stair.

When he made his way to Lord Grantham's wardrobe, he carefully looked through the garments until he found His Lordship's funeral garb. He carefully carried them to the dressing room and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw the room was vacant. He laid out each article and checked them for tears and moth damage. He grimaced as he saw the cuffs were frayed. He spent the next couple of hours patching and sewing the holes shut. Once that was done, he checked the slacks and cravat for similar damage and found none. He sorted the clothing onto a hanger and took them to the laundress to clean.

"I found moth marks on the clothes, could you check to see if any larvae still resides in it?" John asked the young girl.

"Yes, Mr. Bates. When will you be needing this?" The Laundress placed the clothes on the table.

"By tomorrow please, Sophie. I'll be needing it in the morning." He smiled as she nodded.

John made his way back to the dressing room and groaned as his knee protested all the movement. He quickly laid out the evening clothes as he heard the dressing gong.

He just placed the shirt as Lord Grantham came in.

"Good evening, Bates." His Lordship greeted him as he sat in the chair.

"Good evening, m'lord." John slowly kneeled so he could unlace the boots.

"Mr. Swire arrived this afternoon, poor fellow. He didn't really speak." Lord Grantham shook his head as he unbuttoned his vest.

"I'm sure the death of his only child would break him, m'lord." John replied as he hung up the jacket and vest.

"I can't blame him for that. The whole situation is unfair and sad. Why must the young die in this fashion?" Lord Grantham looked at John as he got him into his shirt.

"I do not know." John replied honestly. "It makes no sense to me. But, it seems to be the way of the world."

Lord Grantham frowned as he considered his words.

"How is Her Ladyship?" John quickly asked as he helped the Earl into his slacks and suspenders.

"She is still weak, but she is getting better. I was very fortunate in God preserving her." Lord Grantham smiled at that.

John smiled as he tied his tie and slipped his jacket on.

"Thank you, Bates. I don't know what I'd do without you." Lord Grantham said softly and placed his hand on John's shoulder.

John smiled and bowed as Lord Grantham left for dinner. When the door closed he sank in the nearest chair as exhaustion took him. He sat there for several minutes and thought about William and the other countless souls that died when they were still practically children. Children. Then he thought of his own youth that had been lost to the Boers and Vera's cruel violence afterward. Life was indeed tragic. But, it also proved a valuable lesson on how precious life is. How precious his life is now.

"Anna." John breathed. "Why do you love me?"

Leaving that question he slowly returned to his feet and pulled out his watch. Before too long the servant's dinner would begin and Mr. Carson loathed tardiness. John quickly closed the watch and put it away. He hung up the discorded clothing and laid out Lord Grantham's favourite pajamas. After making sure everything was in proper place, John made his way down to the Servant's Hall. Daisy brought him a cup of tea as he sat down with his book. Thanking her, he took a long sip of the sweet brew. He opened his book and immersed himself in the words of Yeats. He got caught up in the poems of his homeland and savoured the visions that danced before him. Anna running through the woods, barefoot with a flowing white dress. Her hair streaming behind her like a gold ribbons while she ran and danced in the pale sunlight. Her blue eyes flashed sapphires and a hint of a smile lit her features. She took his breath away as she spun amidst the falling autumn leaves.

"Mr Bates?" Daisy's voice broke his reverie. "Are you alright?"

John's head snapped up from his book. "I'm perfectly well, thank you, Daisy."

Daisy smiled before she left for the kitchen. Servants began streaming in for the Servant's dinner. His eyes searched until he found the eyes of his bride. She gave him a swift smile before ducking her head as Mr. Carson took his place at the head of table. Mr. Bates stood up as everyone lined the table. After Mr. Carson blessed the meal, they sat down and began eating the lamb stew Mrs. Patmore made.

"How was the rest of your afternoon, Mr. Bates?" Anna murmured into her stew.

"It wasn't anything out of the ordinary. Had to take His Lordship's funeral garbs out of mothballs only to find the moths have feasted on it. So, I had to patch up the clothes and hopefully Sophie can do some magick on them." John glanced towards the Butler and Housekeeper to make sure they were occupied.

Anna glanced at the book John had near his plate and picked it up.

"I love Yeats' poetry." She breathed. "It makes me almost believe that faerie stories can be real."

"I think they could be. You just have to look hard for them." John gave her a smile and winked at her. "For all any of us know...you could be one of the good people."

Happiness bloomed in him as she blushed to her golden roots. He barely saw the piece of paper she had slid into his book. She read the poems as she ate. When dinner was done, she announced that she was going to bed. John frowned as disappointment welled up. She was actually abandoning him on their wedding day. Was she beginning to regret what happened? Would she want to annul it? His eyes searched hers in panick for answers. She smiled gently and handed him the book before wishing him a pleasant evening. She gave him a final look over her shoulders before heading upstairs. Feeling his lips quiver slightly he opened the book to the exact page he had been reading and saw the paper she had slipped in. Placing the book on the table, he dragged the note into his lap and opened it.

_Dear Husband. _

_ I was hoping you would be so kind as to bless me with your presence this evening so that we may celebrate our marriage. This ticket is good for one night and all preparations have been made. I hope to see you within an hour's time in the Ripon room in the Bachelor's corridor. _

_ I love you._

_Anna _

John instantly froze as it dawned on him what the note was saying. Somehow, Anna had managed to arrange for them to share their wedding night. He felt his blood heat at the mere thought of having such an opportunity. To be able to show his love for Anna in the best way he could. The more he thought of it, the more urgency he felt. He slowly stood and bid Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes goodnight. Once he got to the stairs he quickened his pace until he got to his room. He frantically looked for his hygiene kit and knocked over his books in the process. Cursing he grabbed the blasted bag and darted for the washroom. He went to the sink and furiously scrubbed the day from his face, teeth. He wet his hands and pulled his fingers through his hair until every trace of grease was gone. His hands shook so violently that he dropped the towel. He lunged for the material and straightened up before looking at his reflection in the mirror.

"Pull yourself together, man!" He growled to his reflection. "You will not foul this up with nerves. Pluck up your courage and get over there!"

He grabbed his comb and brushed his hair back to hide his ministrations. He threw his things into bag and returned them to his room. He quickly made his way to Lord Grantham's room to help him dress for bed. By some miracle he managed to get him dressed with little issue while His Lordship went on about how melancholy everything was. Thankfully, Lord Grantham was eager to go to bed so he dismissed John as soon as he picked up the evening clothes.

"Goodnight, Bates." He said, "Please wake me up at 7."

"Very good, m'lord. Sleep well." John wished him as he replaced the clothes in the wardrobe and left the room.

He sighed once the door was shut. He looked around to make sure no one was about. He made his way to the Bachelor's corridor and saw light peeking from under the door at the end of the corridor. Given that was the only room with light, he could only assume that the room was the correct one. He slowly approached as his nerves threatened to take hold again.

"Pull yourself together. Anna is in there." He reminded himself.

Running his hand through his hair and taking a deep breath, he softly knocked on the door.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello, my fantastic Readers! I thank you for your kind reviews on my fan fiction. I appreciate your patience with me the last month. I've been busy with summer classes at my college as well as life. I've also been taking my time with Chapter 4 as it is the much requested wedding night scene. I apologize for the length; Bates and Anna are two very special people and I don't think their first time was a "wham, bam, thank you ma'am" kind of encounter. I want to do the job well, so that their consummation is enjoyed by you for reading and enjoying my story.**

John opened the door wide enough to slide through the opening. When he got through he slowly closed the door until he heard the soft click. When he turned around his vision focused on Anna, who sat at the vanity table staring at her reflection. She was already dressed in a white night gown and was considering her hair that was still pinned up. She looked at his reflection and smiled.

"I thought it was you." She spoke a familiar greeting from long ago.

"Hello." He responded simply, just as he did then.

Her hands trembled as they raised to remove the pins holding her hair in place. John felt a knot in his throat as he realized she was as nervous as he. He couldn't help but grin fondly at the comforting notion.

"Allow me, Anna." He offered as he crossed the room to her.

She obediently allowed her hands to fall to her lap. He placed his cane against the table before sliding his fingers up her neck to her hairline. His fingers slipped into the silken threads, seeking the pieces of metal concealed there. He found them and gingerly began removing them.

"How was the rest of your day?" Anna asked in mock innocence.

"Nothing out of the ordinary. Except for a Yorkshire sprite that nearly gave me a heart attack and made me look like a fool in front of Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes." He gave her a pointed look and tugged at a loose curl while Anna giggled.

"I wasn't sure how else to tell you the details without arousing suspicion from them. I personally thought the job was well done." She arched her brow at him, causing him to chuckle in agreement.

John finally found and removed the last pin. When the last strand fell, Anna shook out her coiled hair and caused it to cascade across his hands and the front of his jacket. John closed his eyes and sighed as the silk teased his senses. He ran his fingers through the tresses and picked up a brush that lay on the table. He hands coaxed her head back to where she leaned against his front. Slipping the brush over her hair, he softly sang to her.

"Believe me if all those endearing young charms, which I gazed on so fondly, were to change by tomorrow and fleet in my arms, like fairy gifts fading away. Thou wouldst still be adored, as this moment thou art." Anna's eyes drifted shut and her cheeks bloomed. John smiled as he continued to brush. "Let thy loveliness fade as it will, and around the dear ruin each wish of my heart would entwine itself verdantly still."

"That's beautiful, John." She breathed and gazed at him with those deep oceans. "Is there more to the song?"

John considered her and set the brush down. He offered her a hand and brought her to her feet before holding her close to him. He kissed her temple and whispered in her ear.

"It is not while beauty and youth are thine own and thy cheeks unprofaned by a tear; that the fervor and faith of a soul can be known to which time will but make thee more dear. No, the heart which has truly loved never forgets. But as truly loves on to the close as the sunflower turns on her god when he sets the same look which she turned when he rose."

He looked at her and saw her eyes shining in emotion. She stretched to tiptoe and kissed him tenderly.

"Thank you." Anna whispered against his mouth.

John smiled before pressing his lips against hers. He felt her hands cup his face. He took her hands and kissed them.

"You are so beautiful, my Anna." He breathed as he nuzzled the inside of her wrist, breathing in the warm smell of lavender and sunshine. His mouth moved over the small veins that hid under the translucent skin. John sharply inhaled when he rested his hands over her ribs. He already knew she wasn't wearing a corset, but physical knowledge is a different thing entirely from visual knowledge. Feeling even more amorous, he took her hands and walked backwards towards the bed that had been prepared for them.

Anna smiled and pushed John's jacket from his shoulders before folding it over her chair. She shrugged and said. "I don't want it to get wrinkled. I'm the head housemaid after all."

John's grin grew in reply. "You may do with my close as you wish, m'lady."

Anna took John by the hands and led him towards the bed. He gasped in surprise when his calves hit the edge and Anna shoved him until he sat down. Before he could react further, she sank to her knees. She unlaced one of his boots and began on the other.

"Anna, you don't have to do that, I could do it." He offered and felt awkward at her being in such a subservient position.

"I know I don't, John. Do you honestly think I'd be down here if I didn't want to?" Her eyebrow arched causing him to chuckle sheepishly.

"Then by all means, proceed." He acquiesced.

She quickly unlaced the boot and pulled them both off. Seconds later his socks were being folded over the toes of his boots. She straddled his lap and kissed him fiercely. John gave in with the same passion. While they exchanged such gestures, he felt her fingers dipping into his collar and loosening his tie. When they surfaced she removed the tie and threw it over her shoulder. John watched the cloth sail through the air and land in front of the fireplace.

"Watch the aim, love." He indicated to where his tie lay in front of the crackling fire.

She glanced to direction his head was tilted and shrugged. "What? I missed. You did say that I could do with your clothing as I wished."

"Indeed." He thought wryly before pointing out the obvious. "I should remind you that I have only the clothes on my back. I would hate to have to sneak upstairs before anyone saw me in such a state."

Horror filled him at the idea of Mr. Carson or worse, Mrs. Hughes finding him wandering the servant's corridor au naturel. That was something he definitely wouldn't want to explain. He realized his thoughts must have registered on his face because Anna looked at him with a somewhat amused expression playing on her lips.

"Don't fret, Mr. Bates. You'll walk out of here just as respectable as you walked in." She assured him before his collar too, went flying.

He smiled when it hit the vanity table. Smirking, she slid her hands up the front of his vest before she swiftly undid the buttons. After removing it she slid off John and folded it with his jacket. Anna sauntered towards John who open his arms to beckon her to him. She laughed and danced around his reach and climbed on the bed. She teasingly wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders and pressed her chest against his back which caused a moan to form in his throat. Her hands teased the sides of his neck before they slid under his suspenders. She pushed the straps down his arms until they rested over his wrists. John freed his hands and pulled Anna around to his lap. He crushed his lips against her laughing mouth, successfully silencing the little tease. He pulled back to look at her face. In awe he noticed the glow of the fire caressing the smooth curves of her face and the deep blue that sparkled in her eyes.

"She really is happy with me." He marveled. "She really does love me...but why?"

Anna seemed to read his thoughts. Her smile grew as her hand raised to his face. He closed his eyes as her fingertips ran over the lines of his brow. Those fingers traced the bridge of his nose, swept across his cheek bones before lightly touching his lips. John took her hand and gently kissed each fingertip. His mouth traveled over her hand to inside of her wrist. He lavished small kisses over her arm, making his way to the crook. He lightly drew the tip of his tongue over the lines that rested there. He raised his head to her neck and slowly kissed the spot under her ear. Anna groaned slightly.

"I want us to take our time." He whispered against her neck. "I don't want to cause you any unnecessary pain. If I cause any sort of discomfort, I want you to promise me that you will inform me at once or if you want me to stop. Just say the word and I'll stop immediately. Do you promise, Anna?"

"I promise, John." Anna agreed.

"Thank you." John kissed her neck in gratitude. "We don't even have to do this tonight. I don't mind waiting until you feel ready to receive me as your husband. All that matters is your-"

"John." Anna interrupted. "Shut up."

John chuckled sheepishly at the fierce look on her face.

She pushed him back on the bed and settled on his stomach. "Now you're going to hear what **I** want, so you better listen carefully. I want us to be properly married." She flicked open the top button of his shirt. "I want to know you physically, as well as emotionally. You are my husband and I love you. And if you think that we are going to cheat ourselves of this chance to be together as husband and wife; then you have another thing coming."

John laughed as she quickly unbuttoned his shirt and cufflinks with the skill of a lady's maid.

"Far be it from me to deprive a lady of her desires." He answered teasingly.

Anna giggled and then sighed in exasperation upon opening his shirt only to discover his undershirt that still concealed him from her. John chuckled at her frustration and slipped his hands under her nightdress to pat her leg comfortingly. He froze when he realized there was no cloth against his hands. Curious, his hands made their way higher up her thigh and his suspicion was very much confirmed.

"Anne Bates." John looked up at her with an arched brow. "You are not wearing a stitch under this night gown are you?"

Anna blushed before his hands cupped her bare bottom. She gasped when he massaged the flesh. His hands slid around her waist while she pulled his shirts from the waist of his trousers. John leaned on his elbows so Anna could push his dress shirt down and off his arms. When his dress shirt pooled under him, she pushed his undershirt up until his chest and stomach were exposed. John groaned when she buried her hands in the hairs that thickly covered him. Her fingernails lightly dragged over the flat tips of his aureola and John moaned deeply in his throat. He felt his blood thicken as lightning flashed through his veins. He sat up so she could pull the undershirt off of him. Anna threw the material on the floor as John pulled her face to his. His tongue swept over her lips until she opened her mouth to him. While their tongues danced, his hands gripped the bottom of her nightgown and bunched it around her waist. His hands stroked her spine and pulled her closer. His lips kissed a line down her cheek to her neck. Slowly, his hands pushed her gown up until he quickly pulled the cloth over her head.

Anna gasped as cool air assaulted her skin. She immediately covered herself and looked away. John wrapped his arms around her and pulled her down to the bed until they both rested on their sides. He held her close and stroked her hair as silence covered them for several moments.

"I am so sorry, Anna. I should have asked your permission to do that. I'm sorry." He murmured.

"I'm sorry." Anna whispered against his chest. "I don't know why I acted so ridiculous. I just feel shy, I suppose."

John smiled and lifted her face so she could see that smile. "May I look at you, love? I won't if you don't want me to, but I would like to show you that you need not hide from me."

Anna flushed a bit before nodding her consent. John smiled again and lightly kissed the tip of her nose. He rose to his knees and slid her until he was over her. He took on of her hands and held it in his so she could take strength. He stared at her face, drinking in the soft but defined features. Her eyes though guarded were full of intelligence, good humor and adoration. Her lips were light pink and slightly swollen from his kisses. A lovely blush heightened the beauty of her pale features. Her neck was slender and graceful. This was accented by shapely shoulders and an elegant collarbone. He looked at her face waiting for her agreement for him to continue. She nodded again and took a deep breath. He smiled reassuringly before sliding down slightly. His breath shuddered at the two perfect mounds of her breasts. Solomon's bride had nothing on this angel in terms of beauty.

"You are a miracle, Anna. Truly a miracle." He kissed her breasts in reverence.

"Really?" Anna asked incredulously.

"If you like, I could ring up Mr. Molesley and have him come to issue a second opinion." John offered with a wry smile.

Anna gasped before swatting him upside the head. John buried his face in her bosom to muffle his laughing.

"You wicked, wicked man, Mr. Bates!" She hissed and smacked him again.

He kissed the tip of her breast before looking up at her. "Yes, my Anna. You are miraculously beautiful."

She sighed and smiled in reply. He grinned before returning his attention to the first tour of his bride's body. He marveled at the tight muscles of her flat stomach, the supple skin that surrounds her navel. And then his breath left his lungs entirely when he took in her small mound that was covered in light, soft hairs. His hand grazed her abdomen and savored the silky texture of those hairs. He was pleased by the dampness he found there. He swallowed hard at the knot that suddenly formed in his throat.

"I have done nothing to deserve this woman, why does she love me?" Emotion filled him at the site of her laying beneath him, waiting for his invasion.

Anna suddenly flipped him onto his back and straddled his thighs. "Now, Mr. Bates, I do believe it's my turn to a viewing of my own."

John stilled as fear flooded him. Anna may be a Venus, but this satyr is no Orion. The thought of her being disgusted at the ugly wounds on his leg was almost too much to bear. Sensing his discomfort, she cupped his face kissed him deeply. Her hands trailed down his torso as she slid down his legs. Her hand hesitated over the front of his trousers. He took a breath and nodded for her to continue. She took her time unbuttoning the trousers until little by little, his shorts were exposed. John looked down and inwardly cursed as he realized that even clothed, he was standing so obviously at attention.

"Can you just behave yourself?!" He thought viciously at his all too impatient sex.

Anna dipped her hands into the waistband and looked at John who reluctantly lifted his hips so she could remove his trousers. She grabbed them and dropped them with his shirt before turning towards him. John tried to swallow as the knot grew with his sense of vulnerability of laying in nothing but his shorts. He looked away in shame when her eyes finally beheld the long, thick scars that mutilated his flesh. Unbidden memories of Vera came to mind. The few times he went to her bed were horrible. Sometimes while he was making love to her, he would collapse from the agonizing pain in his leg and the wounds would open with festered fluid. Each time Vera would curl her lip in disgust and shove him out of her bed and would berate him for not having better control. She made it clear that she only saw him as half a man. She would go on to say that he could never pleasure her at this point. Tears came to his eyes as he felt humiliated at the fear that Anna would do the same thing.

"Look at me, John." Anna's sweet voice beckoned him.

John cautiously looked to see her face was filled with concern and love. She traced the scars with her fingertips before bending over to kiss every tear, every line with gentle swipes of her tongue. John gasped as the sensation went straight to the core.

"There's nothing about you that I find repulsive, Mr. Bates. Nothing. I personally find these marks on your leg as a fine testament to your bravery. Do you understand me? I'll not have you feeling embarrassed or ashamed over something that I don't find worthy of such feelings. I love everything about you." She looked him in the eye with that firm determination that he has come to rely on for strength.

John nodded and even managed a smile. Anna smiled as her hands rubbed his thighs and went higher until it hovered over his shorts. They stared at each other as Anna's fingers reached into the tops of his shorts. He once again lifted his hips and tensed at the feel of the material inching down his body. He gave a short gasp as he felt the exposure of his genitals. As Anna pulled the garment down his legs, they never broke eye contact. With a sound of finality, the shorts landed on the floor. For several seconds they didn't move, they just maintained eye contact as they took in the newness of being bare to one another. Anna's eyes slowly made their way down John's body until it settled on his member that much to John's embarrassment stood like an Adonis that was ready to take Anna with no apologies, swelled further under her gaze. Anna's tongue nervously wet her lips as her pupils dilated with arousal. She stepped around the bed and sat beside him. Her hand followed the trail of hairs leading down to his center. Her fingers hesitantly touched his shaft as if learning the texture of his skin, the temperature of his member and the intensity of the throbbing indicating the heightened arousal he felt. Her thumb circled the opening of his head and began spreading the moisture that welled up. John's head fell back as she massaged his groin. The more she stroked him, the harder it became to keep control. Against his volition his hips thrust with the rhythm of her hand.

"Anna!" He let out a strangled cry. He grabbed her and pulled her up to him before kissing her firmly. "If you had kept doing that, I would have been undone before we even had the chance to be together."

Anna blushed at the idea. "I'm sorry...I didn't-"

"Shh." John kissed her silent. "It was wonderful to feel that and to see your face as you did it. You have nothing to apologize for. If you want to explore me, you needn't my permission. My body is yours to do with as you wish. I promise, I would never reproach your advances."

Anna nodded in understanding. She pressed herself against him and he growled with stimulation. He grabbed the back of her neck and pressed his lips against hers. While he nipped at her chin and lips, he rolled until she was once again under him. John lovingly ran his hands up and down Anna's contours, reveling in the silky and sensitive sin that held taut and firm. His fingers skimmed across her navel and teased the fine hairs that went unseen on her abdomen. His palms covered her small breast while his hands experimented with the light weight that fit so perfectly. He gently kissed her while he rolled a rosy nipple between his thick fingers. He smiled against her lips when she gasped as her peaks hardened under his ministrations. Dipping his head, he took a swollen tip to hs lips and lightly flicked his tongue once, twice, thrice before latching his mouth. Surprisingly, she arched her back and wound her arms around his head to hold him there.

He pulled her closer as he continued to lavish his attention to her breasts. Anna groaned from the sensation before dragging his face up for her to kiss. She kissed him hungrily as she traced the muscles in his shoulders. Her hands tunneled in the chairs of his chest. John jolted slightly when her nails scraped the aureolas that subtly protrude through the dark hair. He closed his eyes when her hands spread across the small of his back.

"John?" She breathed out.

"Yes?" He murmured.

"I feel..." Anna blushed and stared at his chest.

"What do you feel, Anna?" John asked as nerves returned with a vengeance.

"I feel this strange...tension?" He asked quizzically.

"Here." She pulled his hand to rest between her pelvis.

John felt the quivering of her muscles as well as the tension brought on by their activities. He chuckled softly at the embarrassed look on her face.

"That, my Anna, is a perfectly natural feeling. It means that your body is enjoying what we're doing, it also means you are closer to being ready for me." He smiled as his explanation relaxed her.

"How do you know I'll be ready?" Anna blushed further as the intimacy of the conversation.

John considered her for a moment and nuzzled the hollow of her throat. "There are ways for me to find out." He rasped against her skin.

He nuzzled her breasts and began to gently suckle them. Biting down on the tip, his hand reached down and stroked her thighs. He felt the dampness that was pooling down legs and spread it in small circling motions. She mewled as his fingers lightly stroked the opening of her center. His thumb found the nub of her sex and slowly rotated it between his thumb and index finger. Anna slapped her hand over her mouth as her hips bucked in pleasure and John was rewarded with her pleasure soaking his hands in fluid.

"Does that feel good?" He asked as she panted from the effects of his handiwork.

"What...do...you...think?" She gasped out as his kissed his way down her stomach.

John laughed as he came eye level with her core. "I think I need to check your readiness."

He slid his index finger along the edge of her sex before carefully inserting into her channel. It slid in smoothly until he hit her chastity. When she cried out, he slowly stroked her until her hips moved with his finger. He smiled and this time inserted both his index and middle finger; which also slid in, though a bit snugger than the last. Just as carefully, he moved within her and grinned with the realization she was indeed ready for him. He looked up at her and saw her staring at him, flushed, and tense from need. He deliberately placed his fingers in his mouth and savored the taste of Anna in his mouth. Her eyes widened at the sight but she couldn't hide the smile his actions caused.

"I'm ready, John." She pointed out shyly.

"You are indeed, Anna." John agreed as he crawled over her until he was hovering.

He carefully laid on her, balancing his weight to his elbows as to not crush her. His hands slid under her head and lifted her face until their lips met. He kissed her softly and leisurely, but the more they kissed, the deeper they got. Anna moaned in his mouth as he kissed her with all the passion he could muster. He settled back to look at her face so that he could see her eyes when he finally joined them. Anna clearly sensed that the moment arrived because she grabbed one of John's hands and entwined their fingers. John lifted their joined hands and kissed it tenderly.

"If I hurt you too much, please let me know and I shall stop. We're going to take this slow and I'll try to make it as painless as possible. Is that all right?" He proposed.

Anna stared up at him before nodding. He swallowed hard before smiling in attempt to reassure her.

"Keep it together, man. You can't fail her now." He warned himself as he gathered the courage to make her his wife.

John angled himself until he felt his length press against her opening. Anna tensed slightly at the feel of his tip there but soon relaxed as his other hand rubbed her neck. Kissing her one more time, he slowly entered her until he was only a couple of inches in. Anna gasped at the sensation of his partial penetration. He breathed and pushed a little further before stilling again. He waited until Anna relaxed before pushing himself to her barrier. He stared at her once again waiting for her consent, knowing the pain she would soon feel.

"It's all right, John." She whispered. "I want this."

He kissed her hand and thrust hard enough to break the barrier and fill her entirely. Anna gasped sharply and he saw her face tighten with pain. He felt sick at the knowledge that he hurt her. He instantly stilled until he felt her stretch to accommodate him.

"I am so sorry, Anna. I wish it didn't hurt you." He helplessly offered in hopes she didn't despise him.

"You can continue now." She assured him. "I'm ready now."

She smiled at him lovingly, giving him the courage he needed. John gently rocked his hips in order to loosen her up so it wouldn't be so painful. After some time, her hips rose to meet his strokes and the final sign of pain fell away. John pulled Anna closer to him and thrust even deeper, filling her, savoring the feel of her sheath squeezing his length. It was a coming home, he found his paradise in this blonde sprite.

With each stroke, her whimpering in his ear drove him faster and faster until she convulsed with her undoing. Her hands wound around his head and drove him to her where her mouth latched to his. Fire coursed through them, burned them and baptized them until John surfaced a new man. He grabbed her hips and pushed her to a second climax. Anna writhed underneath him as he continued to massage her from the inside. When she contracted again, she buried her face in his shoulder to muffle her cries. John stilled knowing he was very close to his own end. He breathed ragged breaths and tried to control himself. Before he could do so he felt her use her legs to flip him on his back. He looked up to see Anna straddle him. Her eyes glowed sapphire in the candlelight and her gold hair stuck to her neck from perspiration. Her own breath was erratic as her hands rubbed and stimulation his chest. His breath left him when she slid her tongue over his peak. That clever tongue continued to circulate around his aureola before her teeth gently held his taut nipple in place. John's moans grew with every suckle until he felt out of control.

Just as he was sure he could take no more. Anna raised herself over his groin. One hand curled around his shaft and held it in place as she skewered herself with him. John groaned her name at the sensation of her lowering herself further onto him. His hands found their way to her breasts and held on as she rode him slowly. She grunted as his hands kneaded, massaged and teased her already sensitive tips. Her hands also teased his tenses as she raised herself above him only to grind herself against him again. John's eyes rolled to back of his head as his hips began to dance with her of their own accord. Anna shrieked when her climax shook her to the core. John thrust once, twice, thrice and joined his wife in bliss. He grunted as his seed exploded into her womb. His arms caught her when she collapsed against him. He finally felt himself empty while they tried to catch their breath. Their bodies slowly cooled and their sweat dried.

"Are you cold, Anna?" John gasped when he felt her tremble.

"A little...isn't that strange?" She looked up at him with a slight smile.

John scooped her into his arms. He slipped off the bed and pulled back the bedding before neatly depositing Anna into the warm sheets. He slid in with her and rested on his side so they faced each other. Her hand found its way into his and clung to it. He gazed at her in awe of what they just shared. He marveled at her boldness even though she was so shy. Her face glowed with happiness and the candles made it look like a halo graced her head. John smiled at the sight, and knew that if she remained by his side always, he would never frown again.

"Well, Mrs. Bates..." John softly sighed, "you've had your way with me."

He chuckled along with Anna at what had taken place. His heart swelled and broke at the joy they shared.

"I just hope you don't live to regret it." He place his hand on her shoulder and gently stroked it.

Anna looked at him tenderly. "I couldn't regret it, no matter what comes." She promised and took a deep breath as their thoughts turned to what could happen in the future. "I know only that I am now who I was meant to be."

John continued to stroke her arm and sighed as sadness tainted the joy he felt. "I'm not worthy of you, that's all I know." He lamented.

Which was true, because how could someone as useless as he be worthy of someone more valuable than any treasure?

He continued with dejection. "And they'll call me names for pulling you into my troubles."

Anna sighed exasperatedly. "Mr. Bates.." She replied pointedly,causing him to smile. "We've waited long enough to be together, you and I, and now that we're man and wife, can we let that be enough, just for this one night?"

"Do you have any idea how much I love you?" He thought with a smile.

Anna leaned forward and kissed him lovingly, giving him comfort and strength. He hands slipped into her hair and brought her even closer as they enjoyed their closeness. When they parted his eyes wandered around the room for the first time. He noticed the flowers that were everywhere and even saw some rose petals peeking through Anna's tresses.

"Who did all of this?" John asked Anna who laughed.

"I told Lady Mary that we were going to get married. It was the only way I could be gone to do so. Apparently, she told Jane who then secured this room for us. Seeing as we won't be able to have a proper wedding holiday, they felt it was right we at least have a wedding night." Anna blushed at the implication.

"Well then..." John chuckled he pulled her under him. "I shall have to thank them both properly tomorrow."

He kissed her deeply ending any conversation.

After several hours of losing themselves in the other's pleasure, John nestled Anna closer into his arms, knowing in a short time they would have to tidy up the room, change the sheets and return to a world that denied their love. He buried his face into her sweet smelling hair as he felt her slip into slumber. He closed his eyes and the last thing to come through his mind before he joined her in sleep was the line: "_And I shall love thee even better, after death..."_


	5. Chapter 5

John slowly tied his black tie and carefully brushed the matching vest for his mourning suit. This was the morning Miss Swire would be laid to rest. The house was eerily silent as he heard the footmen quietly making their way to the bathroom to prepare. Straight after luncheon, the servants would walk to the village, so everyone was preparing before breakfast in order to be ready. Shrugging on his black jacket he looked around the room to make sure everything was in order. Satisfied, he entered the men's corridor.

When he made his way to the Servants' Hall, Anna silently joined him by his side. He managed to sneak a warm and loving smile to his bride before fixing his features to a more appropriate somber mask. Breakfast was a quiet affair as everyone contemplated the day's events in their own way. John constantly peered at Anna from the corner of his eye while he ate his porridge. Miss Swire's untimely death drove home just how precious this courageous woman by his side is. It took all of his self control to not sweep her into his arms and never let go. The horrible images of her being in a coffin was enough to drive him into madness. As if sensing the tenor of his thoughts, Anna looked up at him, her eyes piercing his. The corners of her mouth tilted slightly into a private smile and while her eyes were almost grey in sadness, they still shone with the love she felt for him. At that moment, Mr. Carson stood signaling that it was time to begin the day. John nodded his farewell to Anna before grabbing his cane and starting up the staircase. He knocked on Lord Grantham's door and waited for His Lordship to bid him enter.

"Come in, Bates." Lord Grantham called out.

"Good morning, m'lord." John greeted. "I trust that you slept well?"

"As well as I could, under the circumstances." Lord Grantham groaned before pushing out of bed.

John couldn't help but smile at the image as he crossed to the wardrobe. He knew better than anyone that the Earl slept in his wife's bed most evenings. But, he didn't mind pretending otherwise, especially with all the pretending he and Anna have had to do lately. When they woke up Saturday morning, they discussed their circumstances while dressing. They decided to wait until Thursday to alert their superiors of their banns. He took out His Lordship's mourning attire and refrained from sighing. Lord Grantham was silent as John helped him into the attire. After brushing the jacket, Lord Grantham nodded to him before walking out the door. John made the bed and did what he could to remain busy through the morning. His thoughts often turned to Anna, wondering how she was doing with her tasks. Realizing there really wasn't much more to do, he decided to walk towards the girls' rooms to see if she was there. He smiled when he saw her picking clothing off the floor in Lady Mary's room. She looked up at him and a warm smile spread across her face.

"All finished, Mr. Bates?" She slowly straightened.

"Yes, there wasn't much for me to do. May I be of assistance?" He looked down the corridor before closing the door.

Anna arched her brow and set the clothes on the bed as John crossed the room to her. He enveloped her into his arms and held her tight. His lips pressed hard against hers before resting his cheek on top of her head. Her arms wrapped around his waist and she sighed.

"Are you alright, John." She leaned back to look in his eyes.

"Are you aware of just how much you mean to me, Anna? How much I love you? I feel less of a man admitting this, but I am so afraid of losing you. I'm afraid of what I'm bringing upon your head. What if it were you that was going into the ground instead of that girl? I would die if any harm came to you." His voice cracked as tears welled up in his eyes.

"John..." Anna cupped his face in her hands. "I love you. You're not going to lose me, not ever. No matter what happens, we will overcome everything together. We've made it this far, haven't we?"

John nodded. "Why do you love me? We don't know what will happen, we don't know where this path will take us. Are you sure you want to do this? If you're having second thoughts about our... marriage, I'll not hold it against you."

Anna's eyes briefly flashed dangerously. Her hands grabbed the back of his head and jerked his head forward into a hard kiss. John's fingers touched his stinging lips, slightly bemused.

"Now you listen to me, John Bates, and you had better listen quite carefully. I know you are scared, I am too. But I also know this; I love you and not just for any reason. I love you because I love who I am with you, I love who you are and I love what we are together. I will never regret Friday. I will never regret becoming your wife just as I will never regret what we shared that night. I will not have you tarnish what we are with these silly notions that have no grounds. Do you catch my meaning?" She hissed fiercely, once again cupping his face in her hands.

John took a deep breath and stared into her once more calm eyes. "You're right, I'm being foolish, I'm sorry, Anna. I didn't mean to insult you."

Anna gave him a smile. "It's an emotional time for all of us. Just remember that no matter what, we are together, as we were always meant to be."

John couldn't help but smile at the realization that she was right. He reached over to the clothes and placed them in her hands.

"Shall I help you with the bed?" He asked softly.

"Thank you." She replied brightly as she dumped the clothes onto a chair and opened the door before winking at him.

Together they stripped the sheets and laid down fresh linens and pillow cases before draping the comforter over the freshly made bed. Anna once more gathered up the clothes and waited for him to grab his cane. He walked with her to the door before looking about the corridor again. Satisfied that they were alone, he bent down and kissed her tenderly.

"I love you." He murmured against her soft lips and walked away feeling happy.

John spent the morning preparing His Lordship's summer wardrobe for when they would go to London in a couple of months for the Season. It was exceedingly early for such a task but he didn't want to spend the next few hours being idle. Once he sorted out the wardrobe, he examined the clothes for moth damage. He gathered up the few damaged suits and took them back to the dressing room. After carefully darning and sewing the tears, he returned them to the attic wardrobes to await the summer. He looked at his pocket watch and saw that it was nearly time for luncheon. When he entered the Hall, Anna was already sitting in her usual spot with a glass of water. They silently bolted down some soup so they could make the walk down to the village.

"Well, let's get on with it." Mr. Carson's voice boomed out in resignation.

They all rushed up to their rooms to get their outdoor wear. When John and Anna made it down stairs, he helped her into her coat catching the critical eye of Mr. Carson. Once everyone was gathered they began the walk to the village. John and Anna soon fell slightly behind the rest of the servants, which thankfully for John wasn't out of the usual. They walked for a time in companionable silence.

"John?" Anna asked quietly as to not be overheard by the silent group ahead.

"Hmm?" John turned his head her direction.

"Is it Miss Swire?" She inquired causing John some confusion.

"Miss Swire?" He prompted.

"That had caused your melancholy this morning. You also mentioned how you would feel if I were to be harmed in some way." She frowned at him quizzically.

Understanding dawned on him. He struggled to find the right words to address her concerns but realized that the only way is to go full ahead at it.

"Since Miss Swire's death, I have been plagued with certain distressing images." He moved closer to her for her to hear. "Images of you dying, being buried. You're not that much older than she and being able to imagine what Mr. Crawley is feeling made it all the more real for me. I know if I were to be in his shoes, I wouldn't be able to bear it. Not just to Spanish flu, but any other malady or disaster. And then there's the fact that the issue with Vera's suicide is long from being settled, and I can't shake the feeling that something bad is about to happen."

John's voice caught in his throat at Anna's small gasp. Shame filled him at the tears that beaded her lashes.

"I'm sorry, Anna. I shouldn't have said." He gripped his cane nervously while awaiting her response.

"I know we don't know what to expect, Mr. Bates. But I have to have faith that all will be well. For now we have each other. It's sweet that you worry for me so, but I don't want you to linger on these things; not when I'm right here beside you, healthy and fine. Please don't wallow in Miss Swire's tragedy. She wouldn't want that, not when we have what we do." Anna gave him an encouraging smile.

John smiled in return, he couldn't help it. How could one be near Anna Bates and not take part in her optimism. She was the sunshine after a rainy day and he loved her all the more for it. He saw Mr. Carson look over his shoulder to make sure they were keeping up and sighed. What he wouldn't give to take Anna's hand into his own. By rights they were married and he should. Damn social standards that forced them to pretend the last few days hadn't happened and the world thinks of them as some sorry star-crossed lovers one reads about in faery tales. He felt her arm brush his and savored the brief contact. It was only a few days more and then they could be an open couple. Thursday couldn't come fast enough for him.

When they reached the church yard, other people were starting to gather. Mr. Crawley and Mrs. Crawley were making their way to the graveside. Lord Grantham and his family just arrived. John and Anna took their places in the back of the crowd just as the men from Grassby's carried the coffin and carefully laid it in the ground. John heard Mr. Travis greet the mourners and began his sermon. He tried to pay attention, but he couldn't focus on the words. They buzzed in his ears uselessly. All he could think of was how many young people he has witness being put in the cold hard ground. It was truly sickening to think how many lives are cut when they were just barely lived. He grounded his teeth at the injustice and jumped slightly at the feel of Anna's hand slipping into his and squeezing gently. He didn't dare look at her, but he gave her a couple of quick squeezes in thanks before her hand slowly fell from his and went where propriety demanded. Mr. Travis' word finally came into focus.

"Earth to earth, ashes to ashes,dust to dust." He recited as he threw a handful of dirt on the coffin. "In sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life through our Lord Jesus Christ, who shall change our vile body that it may be like unto His glorious body according to the mighty working whereby He is able to subdue all things to Himself. Amen."

"Amen." Everyone replied.

John looked to see Mr. Carson cue him that it was time to depart. Anna nodded and allowed Jon to step next to her to begin the walk. They quickly made their way across the churchyard in the wake of Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes.

"We'd better get moving if we're to be back there before they arrive." Mrs. Huges warned the group.

"Mrs. Patmore and Thomas will go ahead in the trap. They'll sort it out between them." Anna supplied.

"Hmm, I've no doubt Thomas will have everything sorted out." Mrs. Hughes huffed in exasperation, glancing at Mr. Carson.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Hughes." Mr. Carson responded with a grimace. "But it's no good thinking that we'll get shot of him now."

"Why doesn't that come as a surprise." Mrs. Hughes Scottish brogue thickened with distaste as she gave him a sarcastic smile.

Anna and John exchanged an amused look though John was very much in agreement with Mrs. Hughes. In seemed like whenever it looked like they would be rid of the rat, he always managed to weasel his way back into the house. He shook his head at the situation as they hastily made their way back to Downton.

When they walked in towards the Kitchen, Mrs. Patmore rushed up to John looking worried.

"Mr. Bates." She greeted him.

John regarded her with concern. "Are you all right, Mrs. Patmore?" He asked, hoping she was.

"I'm all right." She assured him before continuing with anxiety. "There are two men waiting for you in the Servants' Hall."

John's blood ran cold and he felt Anna stiffen beside him. He exchanged a worried glance with her, trying to draw strength. His throat tightened when he saw her face was white with fright. There was no way that this was a social call and they knew it. Knowing, he couldn't keep them waiting, he slowly made his way into the dining area. Sure enough there were two men with grim expressions on their faces. One took him in very suspiciously.

"Are you looking for me?" John asked them evenly.

"John Bates?" The shorter man clarified.

"Yes." He reluctantly confirmed, wishing to high heaven he wasn't.

The man nodded once. "You are under arrest on the charge of willful murder. You are not obliged to say anything unless you desire to do so. Whatever you say will be taken down in writing and may be given in evidence against you upon your trial."

Arrested for willful murder. John wanted to cry as his worse fear became reality. He closed his eyes briefly when he heard Anna's sharp intake of breath. It tore through him like a bayonet to his heart. But there was nothing that could be done.

"I understand." He acknowledged feeling helplessly defeated.

The other man grabbed his arm to cuff his hands. Anna gasped and went to pull John to her.

"No, no." She protested desperately.

John was touched that she wanted to protect him and save him. But John couldn't allow her to get in the way and be arrested as well.

"Please." He motioned for her to step back and held out his hands. "Do whatever is required."

The officer proceeded to tighten the cuffs around his wrists. John flinched at the icy cold sensation of the metal. He looked at Anna who's eyes were filling up with tears. All he could see was her and the heartbreaking realization that they were to be ripped apart from each other. He had to tell her. To hell with propriety, to hell with secrecy, and to hell with what people thought. Anna was his wife and he was not going to leave her without a parting word.

"I love you." He told her hoarsely and with all the feeling he could muster.

Anna lifted her chin with pride and determination. That's his Anna. "And I love you." She said with a hint of defiance that was certainly aimed at their audience. "For richer, for poorer, for better, for worse." Her lips locked to his in a passionate kiss.

"Come along, sir." The arresting officers ordered and pulled them out of their kiss.

Anna quickly stepped back as they propelled him past the onslaught of shocked servants. Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes looked aghast at what just took place and he saw Mrs. Patmore enough to see tears running down her face. They dragged him outside to where their motor waited and pushed him into the back seat. They got into the front and began driving down the road. John leaned to where he could see Downton Abbey fading out of site as the motor took him further from home and Anna.

"I love you, Anna. Please forgive me." John murmured, hoping she knew that.

Images flashed in his mind. Anna's face when they first met, all the times she fought for him, laughed at his jokes, kissed him with her sweet passion, the feel of her skin when they finally joined together, the sound of his name on her lips, and the look of agony only a few minutes ago. When he could no longer see Downton, He looked out the side window as a single tear silently slid down his face.


End file.
